While on our first ever mega-mile full-family vacation with all three kids we went to church in Kearney, Nebraska. While in church – with the kids being moderately well behaved and quiet – I was struck with the thought, “Maybe its time to have another child.”
In the car zipping down I-80 amidst truckers, hungry kids in need of diaper changes, and two road weary parents, I verbalized my thought to Deborah. The look I received was priceless. “You’re joking.” Was her response. I went on to explain that I was not to which Deborah replied that she was also not. (I was not joking… she was not thinking it was time to have another child)
That was in early June. We’ve had plenty of time to “sit with” the idea of adding to our family. Sitting with an idea like that for so long gives you an opportunity to think of all the plausible (and not so plausible) effects from the cause. Here are some things we thought were interesting thoughts when considering the addition of another child to the family.
- We would need a different vehicle:
This is a tough one to accept. We have a nice car thanks to the “pay us when you can” plan Deb’s parents offered us when they offered to sell us their car. However, this nice car has a passenger side airbag, which is a no-no for children under 12 years old. If we had 4 kids, one would have to ride in the front in the middle, so we would have to look into airbag disassembly options, or get a (gulp) Mini Van. The thought of owing a Mini Van makes me sick. No offense intended toward all you Mini Van owners. I just can’t see owning one and not owning our paid-in-full car. From what I hear through the grapevine it may not be legally possible to disconnect the passenger side airbag – though the grapevine is not always the source of good legal advice - We could end up with another boy.
Deborah has said to me that if she could be guaranteed another girl she would be willing to have another child. Boys are different than girls. We are NOT joking about this. (Back-to-Back boys are also different than Boy-Girl-Boy) We have tried our darndest to disprove this already proven theory to no avail. For several months now, Deborah and I have questioned whether or not we’re good parents because of Luke and Jordan’s antics. We’re ready to admit that our parenting style is loose compared to others, but our doubting of our complete parenting has been in question. Fortunately for us, my Grandma recently died. [Ooh. THAT did NOT come out right!] Let me say it this way… fortunately for us, while at the funeral for my Grandma who recently died – God bless her! – I spoke to my eldest South Dakotan cousin about the dilemma Deborah and I were having about The Boys. - Dean chuckled a bit and said, “Look at that one.” [He was pointing to one of his sons, who had a nice dinger on his cheek] “The other one got after him and did that.” Maybe the statement “Boys will be boys” has some truth to it after all.
- Deb wins?
When we got married I wanted to have two kids, while Deborah wanted four. Compromise is a big part of our marriage – something that we do very well. If we had another child that would mean that Deborah would win. Now, I don’t mind her winning… a little. But she already wins so often that I don’t know if I can handle much more of that. (You know, it’s the victory dances that really bug me!). If I stick with this idea of adding to our family, I lose. - Ging. Ging. Ging.
Actually, money is not a consideration in our decision. In 1998 we went through the “God will provide!” year and so have no more concerns about being taken care of. Sometimes though I do get selfish when I think that our cost of bringing another child into this world is going to have a direct effect on expanding my World Wrestling Federation Card collection. - Diapers.
I am SO tired of changing diapers that I’m ready to join the masses and switch to disposable diapers permanently. (Yes… we use cloth almost exclusively) I estimate that we have changed no fewer than 18,067.5 diapers in our 7 7/12 child-diaper-years. Given that each diaper change takes – on average – 2.279 minutes to accomplish, that is a whopping total of 41,175.83 minutes spent changing diapers. That is just over 686 hours for you who think in hours – or 4.0833 weeks for you week thinkers. Even though Deborah has changed an estimated 75% of all Schroeder family diapers, I have changed enough to know that I would rather spend the extra time in the shower. - Sleep
For those who have experienced pregnancy and infancy – that is being the parent of an infant – you know that the word Sleep in this context needs no elaborative comments. For those of you who have not yet experienced these things… I don’t want to ruin it for you. - I Ain’t Gettin’ Any Youger Ya Know
I’m 35. My knees hurt more than they used to. I’m 55 pounds overweight according to my 75 pound overweight doctor. I still cling to those High Schoolhood aspirations of running a marathon by age 40. (just in time for a mid-life crisis) I can’t stay up as late as I used to be able to. I’m starting to see the value in Threm-a-rest pads in the Boundary Waters Canoe Area. And I want to have another child? - The Pregnancy Intangibles
Sounds like a bad movie title, but they’re out there – those things you can’t put a finger on, but still influence your decision. Things like how your manner of thinking changes when you’re expecting a baby, or how you interpret each other’s comments. How you respond to the kids. Your general outlook on life. Which instant winner lottery game you pick to play. All these are affected just by the knowledge of having a baby. Intangible, but powerful.
As you can see, there is a lot here for us to consider. And in our minds a decision needs to be made fairly soon. The age gaps between the kids thus far are 22 months between Luke and Jordan and 21 months between Jordan and Emma. If we were to get pregnant today we’re already looking at a 30-month span between Emma and #4. Deborah thinks if we wait too long, and thus have a larger gap in ages between Emma and #4 that we would have to have another child (#5) afterwards so that that #4 has a close family playmate.
5?